by ladymindset | Jan 3, 2019 | Coaching
World introvert Day
That was yesterday, and I would have posted about it yesterday, but occasionally life takes over a little and domesticity was the order of the day (I’m decorating my rental kitchen, I think I may have lost my security deposit. Oh well. ).
I’m an introvert. I’m cool with that. I have to be really; I’m an introverted 48 year old autistic woman, and it’s something about me that will never change. But with the right mix of people, you’d never know it. I’m funny as fuck, I’m at least the second funniest person I know, and I say things that make other people shake their heads, that I’ve dared to do that. But I’m an introvert. Truly. Ask me how I am, and you’ll find out how introverted. (Fine, is usually the answer, I don’t know where to go from there). By the way, just in case you’re wondering, I do also know when it’s appropriate not to throw around the swears, I’m a lady you know.
Motivation and inspiration Day
That was yesterday too, which is handy because that’s the theme for this month at Happinosis. If you can’t be motivated and inspired in January, then when can you. To me though, it has a lot of different connotations. Motivation and inspiration can be either incredibly positive or heartbreakingly touching. It can be about dragging you off the bones of your arse or taking you even higher than you are now. Whichever your starting position happens to be, I’m right there with you. I’ve been at the bottom. I’ll hold your hand and pull you out if you need it. If you’re doing ok but things could be better, then I’m here too. Come on lazy arse, get moving. I don’t care if you’re an introvert and would rather sit on the edge of your bed and question your life choices before your feet hit the floor. I can do it, so can you.
Definitely a good mix.
I was trying to come up with a good combination word for introvert/motivation and inspiration but I couldn’t come up with anything that didn’t sound like I wasn’t trying to clear my throat. Luckily, not important enough to worry about.
Anyway, I’m going to have a nice little challenge for you to take part in, in a couple of weeks. If you want to get in touch with me to make your life less eye-rollingly unbearable, before then, get in touch.
Till then, laters.
by ladymindset | Jan 1, 2019 | Coaching, Confidence
Happy New
Year, because it’s time to give a shit.
Thank
goodness it’s 2019, and I hope that 2018 has had the door well and truly
slammed on its arse on the way out. It’s been a tough year for me because I’ve
been diagnosed with early onset Parkinson’s and migralepsy, but at least now I
know which monsters I’m fighting, I can face them and do something about them;
I’ll never get “better” but I have reason for motivation and optimism.
My word of the year is reslience
My word of
the year is resilience; I think I may be cheating here and I’ve used it before,
but this year I have to be #reslilientaf (are you gonna join in with me?) and
the themes here for the month are motivation and optimism.
Okies; I’m
sitting in bed writing this post because I overdid it yesterday and today I feel
like I was hit by a building (my body doesn’t yet understand when to stop
because I’m ill), but I’m still motivated and optimistic. I’m also very Stoic
(or maybe I just don’t know when to stop, but you know, work to be done, dollar
(English pounds actually) to be made.
I get it
that there are people out there who are worse off than me; and if you’re not sure
who the stoics were, you should totally go and check them out, I’ll leave some
links for you later, but if I don’t make my point now, it’ll never happen. I’m not
one of those therapists/coaches that tells you that everything is fine, you
should skip about barefoot in daisy fields, leave your high paying job, find
yourself, by the way, here’s my fee.
Optimism vs Realism
I am
optimistic, but I am also realistic. I have been through the wringer in life.
You will find no positivity where there’s none to be found. You’ll find
solutions, though. You’ll find perhaps that nihilism is not such a bad thing,
because let’s face it, what IS the fucking point of all this? Just enjoy the
ride along the way. And if you get in a bit of a pickle, as one of my clients
calls it (and I love her for it……she also says, “I mean, fuck me” a lot too,
for which she is also greatly appreciated), get in touch with me and let’s work
out what to do.
I am a
realist. I know that sometimes life is just a shitter. I had to go to Leeds
last week and witnessed a scene that nearly broke me. A homeless man, sobbing
his heart out, and a lady sitting next to him, holding his hand, talking with
him. I might also add, it was pouring with rain and it was piss wet through.
Not fifty
feet from this depressing scene was a young lady in a bright red waterproof
jacket, emblazoned with a relevant charity’s name, covered in one of those
umbrellas that’s see through and you could almost live under. She was toasty
dry. I tapped her on the shoulder, pointed out this guy, and said “there’s
someone you can help right there.”
She mumbled
out a few sentences such as, “It’s mainly for children,” “We give them a number
to call”, “We don’t help them directly”. All with a patronizing tilt of the
head. I had to be pulled away from her and it made me icky for the rest of the
day.
I’ve worked with the homeless before, before anyone says, but Paula, why didn’t you do something? That’s kinda not the point I’m making here. The proximity of a charity 50 feet away, and there’s no help? That’s what the breaking point was. And at this point I thought, we all need to give a shit more. Give a shit about your life. Where are you going? What are you doing? Do you have plans beyond the end of the day/week/month? If not, what the fuck are you going to do? I don’t mean to scare you but it’s 2019 in Tory Britain and I fucking care what you do. I care what you do, what I do, and that poor bloke….
I care
about how I’m going to live as an autistic elderly woman with Parkinson’s, and
migralepsy…….but a cracking sense of humour. And tons of optimism, stoicism,
and reslilience.
Be resilient with me. Goals AF. If you’re waking up each morning and your first though is “can you not” then make your second thought “I’m getting in touch with Paula today”.
Happy 2019. Whatever that means to you.
Now go and check out the Stoics. They had it right all along.
by ladymindset | Oct 29, 2018 | Confidence
Under the Spotlight
If you’ve ever had to walk past a line of people to take care of any type of business, while you’ve been acutely aware that your hem is falling down on your trousers, you’ve struggled with the Spotlight Effect. You know when they all turn around to look at you at once, and you’re embarrassed and trying to hide? That’s it. You’re under the spotlight. In fact, all the lights around you have been switched off, and there’s this single beam, trained down on you. Come out, come out with your hands up.
(more…)
by ladymindset | Oct 8, 2018 | Coaching, Confidence
Are you stuck and sad? Are you in a rut and wondering how on earth you’re going to get out of it? Are you still feeling the past is holding you back? If this sounds like you, and you need to change your life, then this post is definitely for you.
We can find our way out of situations by separating our feelings and our thoughts. We can’t think and feel at the same time; so if you are feeling hopeless or helpless, it’s no wonder you can’t find a way forward or a way out.
So, here’s what you need. A cup of coffee (or your favourite drink), a notepad and a pen. Find a quiet space to sit and think; don’t worry about how you feel for now; this is an intellectual exercise rather than an emotional one.
Ask yourself the following three questions, and learn how to change your life today.
What’s my current situation?
Thinking about this with a clear head is key to working out what you want to change and how; and without fully understanding and being aware of your current situation, you won’t know what to do or where to start.
When you know that there’s a problem, it’s a powerful situation to be in, because you have acknowledged it and opened yourself up to change. So, for example, rather than feeling and experiencing this problem, you have acknowledged it by thinking about it. Thinking allows you to remain calm and analytical; if you are feeling this process, then your emotions can rise and make you feel helpless again. So let’s just think it though so that you can work out how you can change.
If you are stuck, then thinking about the elements of “stuckness” that you’re experiencing will allow you to untie all the threads of thoughts that are keeping you tied up. You will then be able to see a clear picture of where you are, right now. You will see your current reality for what it is, and stop any black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking.
Where do I want to be?
For you to change anything in your life you have to know where you want to go and where you want to be. Without direction and a goal in mind, how will you know when you’ve got there? How will you know when you’re happy?
Unless you have a great sense of adventure, this is counter-productive, and it leaves most of us floundering and directionless. This leads to us just cruising, and then waking up ten years down the line, thinking “how did I get here?”
I know people who do this; they just live from day to day without any ambitions or plans, and are deeply dissatisfied. They are a seething mass of unrealised potential who think the world is out to get them; in fact, that used to be me. And then I realised I couldn’t continue like this, with only a vague idea of what I might want. I had to go out there and find it, and to do that I had to work out what I wanted. Where did I want to be? It wasn’t easy, but I went through that intellectual process I mentioned earlier. I also knew what I didn’t want, and I knew that I couldn’t just concentrate on that; it had to be definite and positive. So, that’s the mind-set that I chose, and I’ve never looked back.
So, where do you want to be?
How am I going to get there?
This is the part of the process that needs lots of thought, a load of sticky notes, and coloured pens. Planning your journey is a dream for some people. HOWEVER! If you’re not one of them, then you only need to know what your first step is. Sometimes, just getting out there and doing it is enough.
Whatever motivates you, whatever causes the muse to strike, make the most of it. I’m a whirlwind of planning, writing and doing today, and for some of it; well, I only know the first steps. I just know that I want to make changes and I’m doing it.
So, just start. Pick a point and start writing, or pick up the phone, or send an email. Speak to me. Whatever you choose that feels right to you. Don’t get too bogged down, and don’t start saying, “What if?” Just get started.
If you’re stuck, then contact me for your complimentary consultation.
by ladymindset | Sep 3, 2018 | Confidence
Embrace your inner weirdo; it’s your USP.
I wrote this in my own blog about 18 months ago, and had cause to revisit it today. I’m happy to report that it still applies as much as ever. I am also listening to my husband in his little office across the hall from mine, as he talks away to himself. I’m fairly sure he agrees too.
Can anyone explain to me what “normal” is?
My version of normal means being a teensy bit eccentric (so I’m told), having purple hair, being tattooed, and a master of the non-sequiteur. I also do a great Ninja impression. There you go. I’m also Autistic, and so perhaps that explains a lot. But yes. Normal. To me. To other people, that is way off the scale of normal, to others I am a mere pretender to the throne of weird.
Apparently, I “don’t look like a hypnotherapist” and I definitely “don’t look like a business coach.” Well, I have no idea what attributes a coach needs in order to look like one (perhaps there’s a check list that no one let me in on); however, this demonstrates and reinforces that to stand out and be myself at work is really ok. The people who want to work with me are drawn to my inner weirdo, because it’s my USP, and it’s also, in most cases, theirs also.
Being authentic will allow you to have professional confidence
I spent many years trying to conform, as we so often do, to all of these constraints, sometimes self-imposed, that ensure that our unique qualities get squashed. Having the confidence to say, “this is me, if you don’t like it, tough!” is not an easy lesson to learn, but it’s such a worthwhile one. If you are working for yourself, or you just know that you can’t be in a corporate or professional environment without being yourself, it’s time to take a look at what’s stopping you from living and working in an authentic way.
When you reach your forties or whenever the realisation grabs you that this is it….middle age has arrived…hurrah!…something quite magical happens. You may not feel the magic of this immediately, but trust me, it’s there. You no longer have to be what you thought you were. This may leave you feeling a little lost at first. If there’s a perfect time to suffer an identity crisis, guess when that is??? Embrace your inner weirdo, he or she has been suppressed for far too long.
Think of the people you know, respect, like, love. What’s their inner weirdo? What’s yours?
Here are the traits that make those of us with our own personal weirdo stand out:
Truth, humour, respect, curiosity, tolerance and magnetism.
Those things will have people flocking to be your friend and work with you. They will allow you to relax and feel comfortable in your own skin. And, as an added bonus, while attracting the people you like, will also repel the people you don’t. This is you with added authenticity. Because I look the way I do and act the way I do, a lot of the clients I attract are corporate clients with a quirky streak, who sail a little close to the wind. Good, this is what it’s all about.
As an extra point that I’d like to add, in September 2018, being this person also means that you act while considering how you impact others. It means you don’t take out your bad mood on someone else, you don’t do just what you want because it’s your right. You help other people. This seems to me to be the weirdo of today. Good, isn’t it?
Embrace your weirdo, be yourself and unlock one of the puzzles that makes you wonder what makes some people a success.
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